Off to a country where not one of my family member speak their native language so fingers crossed that we don't order dog for lunch or something!

Two posts and I'm already bored of blogging lol fail. I somehow don't really feel like I can express myself fully on this blog. I don't write here when I'm on the edge of sanity, barely clinging on for dear life. Maybe I've outgrown this. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I feel like when I do state down the details of my misery, there will be people out there who are jumping with glee to see me fall. But I guess this was the way I was brought up, to be safe rather than sorry. Don't go back home with anyone even if they claim that we're in an accident and that they're bringing you to the hospital, my parents would say. So as time passed by and as I grew older, the feeling of paranoia too grew stronger within me.

Anyway, this blogging thing just isn't working out for me anymore. Time to shut it down perhaps? Also, I don't really see the point of updating my blog just to post up a bunch of pictures and the things I've been doing cause you can see all that on my Facebook. So, what's good about this blog? Don't be surprised if you can't find my blog later cause I'll most prolly delete it.

It's sad though that I've lost my passion for writing. In fact, I was thinking about changing my course from Maths, Chemistry, Biology and English to Maths, Chemistry, Biology and Physics/Further Maths. I am going to grow up to become a cold, heartless person with not one ounce of creativity in my blood, caring only about hardcore scientific facts. NOOOOOOOO, the horrorrrrrrrrr.

Got yanked out of bed at 7 in the morning today by the giant who lives right next to my bedroom. He decided to declare his own "Bring Your Children To Work Day" and interrupted my much needed sleep. After a series of screaming and yelling and cursing under my breath, there I was stuck in a car with no one other than my dad, miserable as hell.

At first, I followed him like a lost puppy, trailing behind him while he made his rounds at the wards, checking up on his patients. I mean, this might have been useful before I sat for my Biology paper but right now, my brain is just one gigantic hole of nothingness. Nothing remarkably important goes in and nothing decent will ever come out until maybe the beginning of next year so, what's the point of breaking my bed and I apart?

Then, he brought me to the operating theater which was the only remotely interesting part.

At first, I got to witness a lady getting a cesarean section, then I was forced to wait for a five hour long coronary artery bypass surgery to end. I learnt two very valuable lessons today: One, I am never getting near an operating table as a patient and two, it'll be over my dead body the next time I agree to watch my dad operate. Oh and never have babies.

I've never seen a real life natural birthing process before, only in a video, but I just watched someone get seven layers of their skin and fats burnt off, amniotic fluid bursting out and a baby who was welcomed to this world with his ass out first. Wait, actually I don't even know if it's a girl or a boy but the point is that it wasn't a pretty sight and it was hell as painful to watch. Natural birth on the other hand requires getting your vagina cut to let the baby out, so yeah think I'll pass.

What was even more painful to watch was the splitting in half of someone's sternum, which is also the breast bone. Now I can honestly say that I've seen a hole in the middle of someone's chest. Damn, my dad practically sawed through his patient's sternum to get to the heart. I don't get it. You have a little plague stuck on the walls of your veins and you have a very high possibility of getting a heart attack and dying but you have your bones sawed into half and your heart stopped and blood oozing out everywhere and you'll still be fine? I'm still pretty baffled by this.

Besides, I think if I ever wanna do something in the medical field, I would give being an anesthetist a shot because while everyone was getting their gloves and operating attire all bloody and disgusting, an anesthetist can just chill while monitoring the patient's progress. Or maybe you know, he was making things look easy just now. Also, an anesthetist will never really be out of a case because in most operations, the patients will be given an injection to induce anesthesia, no?

Prepping

Pumping the deoxygenated blood through here to be filtered and the oxygenated blood back to the heart while they used chemicals to stop the heart from pumping.

Opening a hole in the chest, sticking tubes in the heart and sewing everything back together in the end.

So, a word of advice? DON'T SMOKE. Because it increases the chances of you having to go through this. I don't think anyone would really fancy the idea of having their sternum joined back together with a stainless steel wire so don't jeopardize your life! (:

Longest first blog post I've written.

Today officially marks the end of my schooling life and I'm sitting in front of the computer, trying to articulate my feelings. After a few months hiatus, blogging suddenly feels so strange to me. First, let me clarify that my old blog is only made private because I was too lazy to update it so I decided to just shut it down. Sorry to disappoint you but nothing scandalous happened and since I'm starting a whole new chapter of my life now, might as well start afresh and begin with a new blog, right?

Practically everyone I know is on cloud nine right now so why am I still down here on plain old Earth? After my last Biology paper, I waited for bubbles of joy to appear but nada, flatness. Maybe just plain old relief that I don't have to stay up till the wee hours of the morning, trying to cram pointless facts into my brain. I mean seriously? Knowing how many different types of microorganism there is means no use to me. I can't even see these things for goodness sake.

So, back to the point. Could it be that I'm already starting to miss our, let's be honest, terribly suckish public school system? Nah, not really. I will however miss the familiarity of it all. Five whole years and it's like you're a freaking psychic. You know exactly what you'll be doing on the 3rd of January until the beginning of November. Excluding all the very much needed holidays, you'll wake up before 7, put on your uniform, go to school, hang with your friends and bitch about teachers. Stuck in a rut but at least you know what's happening next.

Today also marks the first day of the last month I have left with everyone I love. Oh wait, I actually do know what I'll be doing on the 3rd of January 2012, I will be bloody miserable in an airport, thinking of ways to stay back. Everyone seems to think I'm being ridiculous. " Oh wow, you get to go to the United Kingdom to further your studies! Damnnn, lucky you. " Seriously? I will trade places with you ANY TIME. So what if I'm going to London? It may sound exciting at first, a whole new country, a beautiful one at that but so what if you're living in such an amazing city with no one to enjoy it with?

I listen to my friends and classmates, discussing about life after high school, planning to stay together, going to the same college and I honestly envy them. Who in their right mind would want to start all over again? Do you know how hard it is to make decent friends? How long it takes to actually get to know someone properly? Besides, it's been ages since I've tried to make new friends. I do remember rule number 1 though which is to never pick your nose in public or lick a pair of scissors. Or wait, is that the new "in" thing right now since everyone's striving so hard to be "quirky" and "unique" ?

Oh yes, this reminds me to explain my blog link. Impressionist, impersonator, imitator, three different words which captures exactly the essence of humanity nowadays. They say the best advice anyone can give you is to be yourself, lol bull-fucking-shit. Who is ever themselves anyway nowadays? Who am I? Who are you?

Are you that bubbly girl who always seems to be giggling when you're with your friends or are you that girl who would lay so still on your bed at night, wishing that you could disappear? Does that make you the same person with multiple personalities or does that make you fake because you don't show your sadness when you're out in public? You hate someone so immensely that you would give anything to rip their heads off but you refrain yourselves from doing it and instead just smile at them or ignore their existences. So, are you being mature or nice or would people simply think that you're being a total phony? You put up a wall before your emotions and it's as if you're impersonating a rock because what beats being a rock right? Emotionless.

I guess this is just the way we've been created, no? Ever since we were a baby, we see, listen and learn from our surroundings. Heck, I've seen babies barking and peeing like dogs. Except that when we grow up, we imitate things that are supposedly cool to us. We learn and copy from the very best and why? Because we all care too damn much about what everyone else thinks of us and that's the very trait that will destroy our very being from the core. While we were all so eager to grow up, we've lost ourselves on the way.

As you can see from my link, you might think that I'm trying to be French by adding le instead of the in front of the word impressionist. I honestly do not know what I was trying to achieve with this link and this post, just needed to vent I suppose. Am I trying to sound deep in this post? Damn, I've managed to further confuse myself. So many questions so, who's got the answers?